Friday, September 30, 2005

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself....

I've seen a lot of blogs where people sit and talk about themselves...I've never really found myself so interesting to talk about myself like that. At the same, I've noticed that I may be perceived from my lifestyle as someone totally different than I actually am...so with that here are some random facts/thoughts from myself:

I can't see myself living pass the age of 35
Not that I want to die but it's not something I can envision
I'm only 5'
When I was in 9th grade I wore a size ten shoe now I wear a size 6 1/2, my mom thinks I wore big shoes to fit in
When I first got to college my major was journalism, but I'm lazy so I changed my major
I love the snow but hate the winter
I'm suppose to wear glasses but I don't wear them that often so most people think I'm scowling at them but really I'm squinting because I can't see
I wanted to go to a HBCU but my mom said no...damn
I went to an all African-American Catholic Elementary School but it was all African-American because it was in the hood
I'm facinated with jails and the pathology of those who are incarcerated
My parents look like they could be brother and sister, I would believe they were if it weren't for the fact that they are from two different countries
I am trilingual
My father is an illegal alien
I'm still afraid of the dark therefore I sleep with the tv on
I can't sleep if the closet door is open...honestly I still believe the boogyman lives in there!
I am afraid of divorce therefore I am afraid of marriage thus I am afraid of commitment. (Do you follow?)
I have over 20 bestfriends...I have to explain that in person
I don't like to kiss but I want 31 to kiss me so bad I mean really passionately kiss me but he doesn't kiss either
I snore
Whenever I get sick I don't go to the doctor but if I'm healthy I will go to the doctor
I like all types of music except country music...no I like country music I hate bluegrass music
My parents were married for 15 years before they even thought of having kids together but for some reason I have three brothers and two sisters who are all older than me
My grandmother is my #1 bestfriend
And I am way more quiet and humble than the partying and working seems to show!!!!

About Me....

I've seen a lot of blogs where people sit and talk about themselves...I've never really found myself so interesting to talk about myself like that. At the same, I've noticed that I may perceived from my lifestyle as someone totally different than I actually am...so with that here are some random facts/thoughts from myself:

1. I can't see myself living pass the age of 35
2. Not that I want to die but it's not something I can envision
3. I'm only 5' tall
4. When I was in 9th grade I wore a size ten shoe now I wear a size 6 1/2, my mom thinks I wore big shoes to fit in
5. When I first got to college my major was journalism, but I'm lazy so I changed my major
6. I love the snow but hate the winter only because I'm anemic
7. I'm suppose to wear glasses but I don't wear them that often so most people think I'm scowling at them but really I'm squinting because I can't see
8. I wanted to go to a HBCU but because all of my educational life I never went to school with other races I had to go to a non-HBCU
9. I went to an all African-American Catholic Elementary School but it was all African-American because it was in the hood
10. I am facinated with jails and the pathology of those who are incarcerated
11. I am the only African-American at my job therefore I am the only spokeperson for my race at work...I loathe that!
12. My parents look like they could be brother and sister, I would believe they were if it weren't for the fact that they are from two different countries
13. I am trilingual
14. My father is an illegal alien
15. I'm still afraid of the dark therefore I sleep with the tv on
16. I can't sleep if the closet door is open...honestly I still believe the boogyman lives in there!
17. I am afraid of divorce therefore I am afraid of marriage thus I am afraid of commitment. (Do you follow?)
18. I have over 20 bestfriends...I have to explain that in person
19. I don't like to kiss
20. I snore
21. Whenever I get sick I don't go to the doctor but if I'm healthy I will go to the doctor
22. I like all types of music except country music...no I like country music I hate bluegrass music 23. My parents were married for 15 years before they even thought of having kids together but for some reason I have three brothers and two sisters who are all older than me
24. My grandmother is my #1 bestfriend
25. When I was in middle school and high school I was treated for severe depression
26. I had an anxiety attack twice at school...one I blacked out and fell in an ant pile needless to say I hate ants
27. I have repressed a lot of my painful memories
28. I was in foster care in high school for about a year
29. My aunt is my legal guardian (or was) and at the time she wouldn't take me in
30. I can remember every address and telephone number I had since I was five
31. I am an idiot savant (according to my educational psychologist) when it comes to mathematics
32. I love cartoons especially adult swim
33. I have bad handwriting
34. When I'm done with my formal education I plan on moving back to the South
35. I have a lazy eye but the crazy thing is that eye has the strongest vision
36. I get ear infections all of the time
37. When I was younger I thought my mom was Phylicia Rashad
38. I taught myself html way before blogger existed
39. I saw my first music video in 10th grade (8 yrs ago)
40. My favorite singer is Janet Jackson but back in the control and pleasure principle days
41. I didn't meet my "twin" brother until I was 15 (they call us twins because we look exactly alike)
42. I have been engaged before
43. I think I have a guardian angel (my pop-pop)
44. I have had visions in the past
45. I use to have dual citizenship
46. Iuse to write books now I just write poetry
47. I want to be famous but I am afraid of my possible greatness therefore I don't try
48. I am more of a loner than people think I am
49. I can drive a stick
50. I hate going to the physical movie theatres
51. I wanted to live in London when I was younger (until I went there)
52. My cousin Jarrod is not really my cousin but my first cousin's first cousin (yeah that was a splaboo statement)
53. I'm insecure about my looks but I've been told that I am pretty
54. It's hard for me to accept compliements without feeling weird
55. All of my family graduated from the same high school in the same town
56. I admire my mom for her strengthen and courage
57. I'm a spoiled brat
58. I went to college right after I turned 17
59. I'm taller than my mom
60. I can recognize most samples that producers use today
61. I talk to myself a lot
62. I am very forgetful and have to write notes to remember everything but I always loose the notes
63. I had braces for 7 years
64. I was very outgoing when I was younger now I'm extremely shy
65. I have been thinking about seeing a counselor for that
66. My hometown is only 3mi by 4 mi big
67. I like thugs why I don't know probably because I'm from a small town
68. I don't want kids
69. I have truly been in love once and I messed it up and I miss him
70. I always look for someone's faults in order to not get close to them ... if I find something that is a character flaw then I can not embrace them therefore I won't get hurt
71. I was rejected once by this one guy in college freshmen year...he knows who he is...I respect him more for that! Even though he ended up talking about me to his friend who later became my roommate.
72. All of my guy friends I consinder my brothers
73. I still talk to my ex, all the time
74. He is probably the only guy I will ever be in love with
75. I laugh at my own jokes
76. Sometimes I laugh at jokes in my head and when I'm driving I look crazy laughing in my car by myself
78. I like old school time at noon on the radio
79. When a I graduate from grad school I will be the first person in my family with an advance degree
80. I like looking at pictures but hate taking them
81. I don't believe there is such a place as South Jersey (sorry anything past exit 9 on the turnpike doesn't exist to me)
82. In college because I was from the North I was different
83. I can be materialistic when it comes to clothes and accessories
84. I get disoriented on the weekends because there is no schedule for me to follow
85. I like to go to the library
86. Sometimes I think everyone is stupid
87. I point out the obvious to make people mad
88. I curse in front of my parents
89. I listen to rap music with my mom even though she is clearly in her early sixties (a lot of guys think she's a milf)
90. My favorite color is purple
91. I can't multiply in my head
92. I still use my fingers and toes to count
93. I have totaled two cars and my parents keep giving me cars
94. I'm a geek I love all types of knowledge
95. I am not an abstract thinker
96. I learned how to read, write, and do simple math when I was three because my mom was frustrated with always answering my kiddie questions so she just taught me so that I could figure it out on my own
97. Only 10 have ever seen me cry (I think)
98. I laugh when I'm really angry, occassionally I start fights
99. I don't understand all of religion
100. I have dated someone from every race

Thursday, September 29, 2005

No More Marriage

This year alone over 10 of my closest 25 friends have gotten or are getting married and I am officially protesting it! I have been a bridesmaid or wedding attendant at least 3 times and I can't take it anymore. I am very happy for each one of them but I just feel like I am loosing my friends. To me friends aren't friends they are family you can call on at any time you may need them. Well, with my friends getting married I feel like I can't call on them anymore because their spouse may not understand... there are some exceptions (friends who are marrying friends) but still I'm loosing my roll dawgs! My drinking buddies, all of the debauchery we use to get in to will no longer be the same it will just be a PG-13 version of life. Who wants that? Not I! So I vow (even though I have said for so long that I'm not getting married) that if I should get married nothing will change except for the fact that I go home to my husband at night...which in fact is nothing new just like when Unbreakable use to stay with me...but I will still hang out with my girls, go out, drink, and carry on like a fool! I think I'm protesting this the most because my childhood (friends since we were 9) friend got married and her husband moved her away which broke up our childhood click...(side bar, have to finish this later because my eyes are too teary)... ok I'm back but I've decided I'm done...plus I have to go fix something one of the pink toes did here at work!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Not My Back-up Plan!!!!!!


Do you have a back up plan? Like the one dude you would marry if all else fails and you know that this is the person you fall back on if your first choice is taken? Well I do! Or at least I did! What had happened was (side bar, that's how you know it's about to be a negroidian story or like Wendy Williams says a splaboo story) I contacted my back-up plan and come to find out he has a girlfriend! I can't even begin to tell you how upset I was...still am...still will be...and won't let it go, why? Cause that was my back up plan! No, he didn't know but he knows now! So what do I do? I don't know, but he is my back up and I'm not going anywhere so it's either her or me. Right now though it is looking like it ain't neither of us...he arguing with her, I'm whining because he won't spend time with me, and most of all he looks like he is about to bail on all of us. So this is how I found out...I called just to check on him and he was like he couldn't talk at the time...what the hell is he talking about he always talks to me anytime of the day...I was like WTF? Then he hung up the phone..he called back and was like oh my girl was around. "What girl? Who girl?" "My girl." "When did that happen?" "What you mad? It happened after you started chasing that dude that move weight out by you!" I damn near fell off the bed after he said that! F you!~I wanted to say that but didn't but I did say, "But um, who is she? And what she be about?" Long convo cut short, she's not right for him, atleast that's what I think. Not saying that I am perfect for him but if I wasn't in some way god for him then I wouldn't call him my back up plan. I'm so jealous ... I'm a grown woman and I have to admit that...I don't want him to have a girlfriend I want him to wait for me until I'm ready to deploy my back up plan! I know look at me with my selfish a**! Anyway, do you have a back up? Or have you ever thought of having a back up? Maybe you should, let's just say that your first choice doesn't have you in mind for his first choice....don't cry go to the back up that's what he is there for.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

RIP My Cell Phone


Last night I had a very tragic situation...after coming home from doing a ride by on someone's house with my girl Tee I used the bathroom (as normal when you come in the house). Well when I was walking out of the bathroom door I don't know what happened but my phone fell in the toilet as the toilet was flushing. I had to turn around and pull it out (disgusting I know) but now my phone only vibrates...that's it!!! Doesn't turn on, doesn't ring, just vibrates! I have lost a lot of contacts...can we please take a moment for my cell phone...I'll be back in the game by Saturday hopefully! I truly believe that whenever you do something bad it comes back to you in the form of your most prized possession being hurt!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Old Crazy vs. New Crazy


I was talking to my girl Q the other day while I was at Crazy's house (side bar - who is Crazy? that's the 'Army Guy', yeah he's back). Anyway, so I was there and we were talking and we were thinking about ourselves...here we are girls who are doing stuff with their lives; in grad school, working full time, taking care of life, no kids, no drama yet for some reason no dudes seem to be doing that themselves. There are some who are like that but they are all in relationships themselves. So what do you do? You deal with the craziness now. So let's talk about Crazy, he had an issue but instead of clinging onto the one thing that was consistent in his life he pushed me away...crazy! Q's dude is just really, really, really, really, really crazy...he's so crazy he's borderline mentally retarded. By why leave? We know what we're worth, that's not the problem, the problem is why leave them when we know their craziness, we know what sets them off, what doesn't and we know how to deal with their craziness. So why leave and have to learn a whole new crazy? These are my statistics on the crazy: 50% of men (black men) are locked up, 30% are gay, 5% are in good non-cheating relationships, 10% are in cheating relationships, and the last 10% are crazy! So what are you stuck with? If you can do the math...you're stuck with crazy! I'd rather deal with old crazy because I know him than have learn a whole new crazy. And I think a lot of my homegirls understand that because so many of them are still with their old crazies from college. Sucks but that's my love life!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Back To the Future....


So the supposed man of my future from my blog "Am I A Geek"...I hung out with him tonight, for a brief moment but it was great. He is so Sincere (yeah that's actually his name or nickname I should say). But on the real he is sincere! He lives in the hood and I'm so suburban (side bar - why do girls like me like these really hood dudes?) and he warned me. He said when you turn down the block don't get scared it looks like something that walked out of the Wire on a bad night. Anyway, we sat on the stoop and talked for a little bit. I asked how his life was growing up, he said it was straight, said his father wasn't around too much because he was incarcerated but he doesn't resent him for it. That was real for him to say that...he was just real sincere, and cute, and smart... Well, what's the point? The point is that there has to be something wrong with him! There just has to be...there are no more normal black men, none! They are all bi, married, have 10 kids, some type of disease, or no job! Something has to be wrong! I asked, he said nothing he said he was normal, then we parted...funny how when you really want to know something the subject always changes or the night ends. My night ended with me wondering, what the f*ck is wrong with him?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

This Isn't Life!


Have you seen or heard that jail commercial? It's about how your family does time with you when you do your time. There is like an older brother and a younger brother and they are talking about how they both do the time. Well, that commercial is true! Random Fact #483 - I have more family members in jail than anyone else I know... There's my Uncle Killa - Murder, serving 30yrs min. has 18yrs left, Cousin Killa - Attempted Murder.Conspiracy.Murder for Hire, serving 40yrs has to do 85% which is 34yrs has 1yr and some months down so has 32yrs left, Cousin Caught-Up - Acessory to Armed Robbery, serving 4yrs & 9mos. has 15mos. left, and for space purposes we'll skip the other six and go to Cousin Stupid - Conspiracy.Armed Robbery, serving 8 yrs has 7yrs and some mos. left.... What's the point the point is everyday I'm writing a letter to keep their spirits up, to make sure they aren't loosing their minds, to make sure they are ok! To me...that commercial is true, when someone in your family does time...you do that time with them too! No you aren't in jail but missing that part of family when it comes time to have family settings (holidays, bbqs, dinners) you miss that part of your family! That's all! Like Jeezy says, "don't shed a tear nigga, shed a thought!" Everyday I shed a thought!

I Got That Work!?!


One more visit to my ATL times this past weekend. Yeah, you read the title right, I got that work! Or at least the crackheads in ATL thought me and this dude did. This is what had happened, it was after the VIP situation and it was outside of the club by my girl Sol's car. She was outside of the car talking to some people, while me and one of her homeboys were leaning against her car talking. Eventually, I opened the car door and sat down while he sat on the steps of the building that was next to the car. We were chilling talking about randomness when this white dude (Side Bar - why are 50% of crackheads white dudes? where are the latino crackheads at? how come crackheads are only black or white?) walked by and said to homeboy, "you got that work?" Homeboy was like, "naw dude keep walking." But for some reason it seemed like he had let off a silent crack alarm like the ones in the bank that the teller presses when they are getting robbed. Because for some reason, after that at least, at least six other crackheads walked by and asked dude the same question. At that point it was time to go! We left after the sixth crackhead, but on the real, is a black or white tee the uniform for dope boys? Just wondering....

Friday, September 09, 2005

Am I A Geek?


This is going to be really short but am I a geek? This fine a** guy called me last night and I couldn't even hold a conversation with him because I was too focused on the topic of my term paper for my grad class I'm taking...He was asking about me and my day and every other sentence I said, "hunh?" Finally, karma helped me out by my phone loosing reception...thanks karma! I was sounding dumb, but am I a geek because I wasn't really interested in the dude on the phone? Am I geek because I refused to call him back but I texted him and told him I'll talk to him today and that I had to go last night? Am I a geek because I could have potentially messed something up with my future husband and/or etc? Naw....just focused on that paper! Because with that masters...

"Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn't picture this
50 inch screen, money green leather sofa
Got two rides, a limousine with a chauffeur
Phone bill about two G's flat
No need to worry, my accountant handles that
And my whole crew is loungin'
Celebratin' every day, no more public housin'
Thinkin' back on my one-room shack
Now my mom pimps a Ac' with minks on her back
And she loves to show me off, of course
Smiles every time my face is up in The Source
We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us
No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us
Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
'Cause I went from negative to positive And it's all... "

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Do You Deserve to be in VIP?


I never considered myself a connoisseur of the VIP status but I don't really party outside of the VIP section too much unless it's my party then I want everyone to see me but if I'm at another person's random party I want to be in the VIP. Well, one of my brothers is in the music industry. While in the ATL he was in the back of the VIP while I was in the club so I went to holla at him. I ended up staying back there the entire night with him talking and laughing at people. Let me fix this now, we were laughing at the other people in the VIP section with us, or atleast I was while he was telling me I was bad.... Anyway, next to us were a group of girls that were there - physical description - about six or seven of them and kind of on the heavy side...No! No! Not the thick side cause I'm on the thick side I mean the heavie side, and yes I spelled that right! Anyway, my brother had his R & B group in the VIP too...well it was towards the end of the night and there was way too much liquor left in our section so one of the dudes from the group goes over to the chuckie monkies and asked them if they wanted some of the liq. Now for those interested there was approx. one bottle each of the following: moet, don, grey goose, Hennessey, and some other stuff I've never seen before. Anyway, this is how I know I should have asked them this question: Do You Deserve to be in VIP? Well the dude goes over there with the don bottle and says, "Do you ladies want some of this because we can't finish it all?" The ring leader of the chunkie monkies said, "Yeah!" Then she proceeded to snatch the bottle from him and said, "Dis ain't even a black label! What the hell is this?" The rest of her friends started laughing and it looked like they crushed him... Well anyway, when he brought the bottle back I looked at the name and the vintage (circa 1983 - my yob) and I figured it was pretty good but damn it makes you wonder do bouncers need to start asking people before they go to VIP, "Do You Deserve to be in VIP?"

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Randomness in ATL


I've never understood why dudes who clearly know they are not on your level holla at you with the lamest line ever! So this weekend I jetsetted to ATL to hang out with my girl Sol and for the life of me still can't understand dude from the elevator. So check it out Saturday night we decide let's go to the club we get in the elevator and there are two dudes in there already. They looked old enough to be our older brothers or really young a** fathers so we made no eye contact. Dude looks at my tatoos and goes "oh I see you got some ink on your shoulder" and I stated, "yeah!" He then proceeds to instult me and say, "and a chip as well." I said, "no beef just real talk I do." Then dude said the weirdest thing, he said, "Where are you from?" but before I could answer he next statement left me speechless, "You from that NO". Dictionary - NO - noun, place, New Orleans. All I could really do was look at him and in a faint voice I said "no, NY". But honestly let's think about it...if I was an evacuee from NO would I really be going to the club when my house and car could possibly be floating away now? Sorry but that's real talk, would I?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Would You Give Up Your Religion for Me?


That's what I was asked the other day....Yes! Would I give up my religion to marry someone, not just anyone but this one particular person. Wait.....If you are really sensitive about the question of religion STOP READING RIGHT NOW AND GET BACK AT ME AFTER THE WEEKEND WHEN I HAVE A NEW POST UP!!!! That's when I had to call my girl LL, because she's a PK (dictionary - PK, noun, Pastor's Kid). We had a very long and philosophical conversation. I concluded that I wasn't sure if I could, both the Qu'ran and the Bible say that you should be of the same faith, "not to be of two yokes"...But questioning religion and don't get angry over this, but who is to say that any one religion is the right religion. What if there is only one religion and we all choose something else, meaning if the whole world practices the same religions they do now but there is another one that we have never known about and that is the right one and we are all damned to hell for not following it? Who is to say that any religion is the true religion and who is to say that we should even be religious? What if there is really no Heaven, Paradise, or etc? What if you just die and you're just dead? What if?

Would you give up your religion to marry me? I would have to solidly find a religion that I don't question in some way before I can say that I would give up my religion for you!!! There I answered it!!!