It's Official B and Jay are done...well...actually
That's right, it's over between 31 and I. Over the past couple of weeks, a total of 5 weeks there have been problems between 31 and I. Really we haven't been seeing each other. We haven't seen each other in 5 weeks until this past weekend. His excuses were that he was in a wedding [that was in town by the way], he was busy with family stuff [he has no kids and has never been married], and he just got caught up busy chilling with his friends. I took it as that he got comfortable with me and I was now the JO -side bar- stands for Jump Off means booty call - and he no longer wanted to see me in the daylight hours. So I figured that I would just end it. Really ever since he told me that he loved me it has just changed where he isn't seeing me until like 1, 2, or 3am in the morning. So I deaded - side bar - means ended - it a week ago and I was miserable!
Truly I was! I missed him so much. So I made up with him, we fucked on Thursday night [night before the 4th of July] and truly I haven't spoken to him until today when he told me that he quit his job and is just chilling now. Here's the thing. I wanted him back so bad. So bad! That I let my integrity go to get him back and once I had him I didn't want him anymore! I am that type of girl, I only want you when I know I can't have you. Once I know that I can have you and you aren't worth as much as I think you are then I'm done. Truly I just thought I was loosing a big prize and in the end I was only giving up a dud! Damn this shit has been so difficult since I left my ex. I truly do long for some type of relationship but at the same time I enjoy my freedom being able to go and please as I want. The unfortunate problem is that the nights get so lonely. Plus I'm always in the club not by choice but profession, I throw events I have a marketing firm as well as my regular 9-5. And it just doesn't help or work. I'm in an industry that is so shallow and I just really want someone to be there for me but you never know when someone is truly there for you or your money or event. I can't take it anymore. How do you weed out who is truly there for you? I am now that lonely chick, the facade is eating me alive! Just one date, one hug, one real kiss, one anything to at least make me feel like I am wanted again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: 31 now, life, love, me, men, relationships
Don't Get Caught Up In Their Shit
That's right,
31 said that to me. When
31 had his birthday cook out at his mother's house, three of his cousins came, three woman. I know some of his other cousins but not these three woman. I know his other cousins because I throw parties. They come to my parties and so does
31 so I met them.
Well, as I'm
frying chicken in his momma's house, his three mean cousins come in. They hug each other and immediately begin to talk about the other cousins. The actual cousins who were nice to me. They were all like who are you but luckily
31 came in and introduced me. By the way he is still introducing me as his 'friend'. They looked me up and down and continued talking. I didn't involve myself in any of their conversations. A couple of times they asked if I needed anything which I made sure I talked back but other than that I was good. I was polite and said hello and goodbye but I have family members like that myself so I already knew.
That night after we dropped off his Goddaughter we were in the bed talking. He said oh the meanies like you. I thought oh really? He said yeah, they thought you were so polite and nice. The next day I went back over there and they actually held real conversations with me and didn't just talk about me. But things changed later that night when they checked myspace because the cousin they were talking about had already put up the pictures from the party already. That's when they saw the parties I saw and started to call me by nickname and not Cherry's Kid. Tension just felt tight and I was like okay never mind. I thought they were getting cool but it was like, no no no. Oh by the way, they tell me, we like you.
31 has brought girls back that have been like what? But you you're nice and we like. Trust us if we didn't then we would tell you.
Later that night,
31 I were talking and he said. Don't get caught up in their shit. Don't tell anyone the secrets they tell you cause that's what they want. At the end of the day just cause they sit up in the kitchen and talk about people doesn't mean that they won't still fight you cause you opened your mother. I love my cousins but don't get caught up in their shit. I'm not even worried about the statement. I'm more concerned about the meaning behind the statement. What do you mean don't get caught up in their shit. Am I going to see them more often to where I could? Am I going to be around longer? Wow...shocked the hell out me...well, I'm working on my graduation present...hopefully he will have something nice for me!!!!
Labels: 31 now, graduation, his family, relationships
The 30 Year Old is Moving On Up!!!!
So who is the 30 Year Old? He's a guy that I met. He went to my high school but like I said he's about 5 years old than me. If you need a visual...think of Diddy's Younger, Sexier Cousin! No seriously, that's what he looks like.
He's really nice. He is so sweet. But what confuses the hell out of me is that he actually wants to be in a situation with me. Meaning he wants to date me exclusively. It's so random. Lately, I've been dealing with dudes who just want to be on my team that when someone comes at me seriously and not just talk but seriously sending me flowers and gifts to my job it's like whoa! Whoa! This dude is for real. So I am actually taking him serious now.
Would you invest so much time in someone you hardly knew? Or is that the idea, invest the time in someone so that you get to know them? I'm just scared. The Basketball Player has my mentally fucked up. Is this what I want at this time? Do I want to date someone exclusively or do I enjoy the single life and all the fun I'm having? I guess that's what I have to ask myself before it gets too deep...am I ready for this? Am I ready to actually fall in love...the Changer has me bugging!!! Is love really love or is it just you changing? Am I ready to fall for someone again?
Labels: boyfriends, flowers, love, relationships
