It's Official B and Jay are done...well...actually
That's right, it's over between 31 and I. Over the past couple of weeks, a total of 5 weeks there have been problems between 31 and I. Really we haven't been seeing each other. We haven't seen each other in 5 weeks until this past weekend. His excuses were that he was in a wedding [that was in town by the way], he was busy with family stuff [he has no kids and has never been married], and he just got caught up busy chilling with his friends. I took it as that he got comfortable with me and I was now the JO -side bar- stands for Jump Off means booty call - and he no longer wanted to see me in the daylight hours. So I figured that I would just end it. Really ever since he told me that he loved me it has just changed where he isn't seeing me until like 1, 2, or 3am in the morning. So I deaded - side bar - means ended - it a week ago and I was miserable!
Truly I was! I missed him so much. So I made up with him, we fucked on Thursday night [night before the 4th of July] and truly I haven't spoken to him until today when he told me that he quit his job and is just chilling now. Here's the thing. I wanted him back so bad. So bad! That I let my integrity go to get him back and once I had him I didn't want him anymore! I am that type of girl, I only want you when I know I can't have you. Once I know that I can have you and you aren't worth as much as I think you are then I'm done. Truly I just thought I was loosing a big prize and in the end I was only giving up a dud! Damn this shit has been so difficult since I left my ex. I truly do long for some type of relationship but at the same time I enjoy my freedom being able to go and please as I want. The unfortunate problem is that the nights get so lonely. Plus I'm always in the club not by choice but profession, I throw events I have a marketing firm as well as my regular 9-5. And it just doesn't help or work. I'm in an industry that is so shallow and I just really want someone to be there for me but you never know when someone is truly there for you or your money or event. I can't take it anymore. How do you weed out who is truly there for you? I am now that lonely chick, the facade is eating me alive! Just one date, one hug, one real kiss, one anything to at least make me feel like I am wanted again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: 31 now, life, love, me, men, relationships
The 30 Year Old is Moving On Up!!!!
So who is the 30 Year Old? He's a guy that I met. He went to my high school but like I said he's about 5 years old than me. If you need a visual...think of Diddy's Younger, Sexier Cousin! No seriously, that's what he looks like.
He's really nice. He is so sweet. But what confuses the hell out of me is that he actually wants to be in a situation with me. Meaning he wants to date me exclusively. It's so random. Lately, I've been dealing with dudes who just want to be on my team that when someone comes at me seriously and not just talk but seriously sending me flowers and gifts to my job it's like whoa! Whoa! This dude is for real. So I am actually taking him serious now.
Would you invest so much time in someone you hardly knew? Or is that the idea, invest the time in someone so that you get to know them? I'm just scared. The Basketball Player has my mentally fucked up. Is this what I want at this time? Do I want to date someone exclusively or do I enjoy the single life and all the fun I'm having? I guess that's what I have to ask myself before it gets too deep...am I ready for this? Am I ready to actually fall in love...the Changer has me bugging!!! Is love really love or is it just you changing? Am I ready to fall for someone again?
Labels: boyfriends, flowers, love, relationships
A Second Chance? IDK
I know ... just by looking at the labels below you think that I've met
someone convict incarcerated as a pen pal and now we're getting married although he is serving life... WRONG but close...
Do our black men serve a life sentenced although they have completed their sentences and "turned their lives around" by becoming contributing citizens to society?
Let me explain further, do we
relegate our black men to meaningless and
subservient relationships because they completed a prison sentenced. Tonight I was on a conference call meeting with my fellow Auxiliary members. We were discussing business but once the meeting was adjourned we started on the fact that there are many black men who have re-entered society however young, savvy, professional black women over look them due to prior incarcerations. Now I'm not talking about the career criminal. I'm talking about
Rasheed who always hung out with
Mutah.
Mutah got into a fight was carrying a gun but has prior charges,
Rasheed, to help his boy out held the gun for
Mutah. They got pulled over and basically
Rasheed did 2-3 years for
Mutah his boy. Had he had not done that he would have went to college or a trade school and met his potential. Now do we count this brother out because he decided to be loyal to a friend. Or do we give a second chance by engaging in a relationship with him.
That's my cross road at this time. Don't get it twisted. I'm not in a relationship and I'm not looking to engage in one. But I'm interested in someone. He's interested back. I want to take things ultra slow, but he has a record for that exact scenario. Trust me for a living I investigate so I did a thorough investigation without his knowledge. But what do I do? Do I hold it
against him because he made a foolish mistake at 18 years old. Or am I understanding because he now works in a Fortune 500 company and is going somewhere?
If you were me ... what would you do? Better yet, if you were him would you want someone to count you out because you made a mistake. We're all human, we make mistakes - period! Why does love have to fail now?
Labels: crimes, love, prison system, race relations
