Diary of a Confused Black Woman

It's Official B and Jay are done...well...actually

That's right, it's over between 31 and I. Over the past couple of weeks, a total of 5 weeks there have been problems between 31 and I. Really we haven't been seeing each other. We haven't seen each other in 5 weeks until this past weekend. His excuses were that he was in a wedding [that was in town by the way], he was busy with family stuff [he has no kids and has never been married], and he just got caught up busy chilling with his friends. I took it as that he got comfortable with me and I was now the JO -side bar- stands for Jump Off means booty call - and he no longer wanted to see me in the daylight hours. So I figured that I would just end it. Really ever since he told me that he loved me it has just changed where he isn't seeing me until like 1, 2, or 3am in the morning. So I deaded - side bar - means ended - it a week ago and I was miserable!

Truly I was! I missed him so much. So I made up with him, we fucked on Thursday night [night before the 4th of July] and truly I haven't spoken to him until today when he told me that he quit his job and is just chilling now. Here's the thing. I wanted him back so bad. So bad! That I let my integrity go to get him back and once I had him I didn't want him anymore! I am that type of girl, I only want you when I know I can't have you. Once I know that I can have you and you aren't worth as much as I think you are then I'm done. Truly I just thought I was loosing a big prize and in the end I was only giving up a dud! Damn this shit has been so difficult since I left my ex. I truly do long for some type of relationship but at the same time I enjoy my freedom being able to go and please as I want. The unfortunate problem is that the nights get so lonely. Plus I'm always in the club not by choice but profession, I throw events I have a marketing firm as well as my regular 9-5. And it just doesn't help or work. I'm in an industry that is so shallow and I just really want someone to be there for me but you never know when someone is truly there for you or your money or event. I can't take it anymore. How do you weed out who is truly there for you? I am now that lonely chick, the facade is eating me alive! Just one date, one hug, one real kiss, one anything to at least make me feel like I am wanted again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: 31 now, life, love, me, men, relationships

posted by cherry's kid @ 9:57 PM 6 Comments

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

I've seen a lot of blogs where people sit and talk about themselves...I've never really found myself so interesting to talk about myself like that. At the same, I've noticed that I may be perceived from my lifestyle as someone totally different than I actually am...so with that here are some random facts/thoughts from myself:

I can't see myself living pass the age of 35
Not that I want to die but it's not something I can envision
I'm only 5'
When I was in 9th grade I wore a size ten shoe now I wear a size 6 1/2, my mom thinks I wore big shoes to fit in
When I first got to college my major was journalism, but I'm lazy so I changed my major
I love the snow but hate the winter
I'm suppose to wear glasses but I don't wear them that often so most people think I'm scowling at them but really I'm squinting because I can't see
I wanted to go to a HBCU but my mom said no...damn
I went to an all African-American Catholic Elementary School but it was all African-American because it was in the hood
I'm facinated with jails and the pathology of those who are incarcerated
My parents look like they could be brother and sister, I would believe they were if it weren't for the fact that they are from two different countries
I am trilingual
My father is an illegal alien
I'm still afraid of the dark therefore I sleep with the tv on
I can't sleep if the closet door is open...honestly I still believe the boogyman lives in there!
I am afraid of divorce therefore I am afraid of marriage thus I am afraid of commitment. (Do you follow?)
I have over 20 bestfriends...I have to explain that in person
I don't like to kiss but I want 31 to kiss me so bad I mean really passionately kiss me but he doesn't kiss either
I snore
Whenever I get sick I don't go to the doctor but if I'm healthy I will go to the doctor
I like all types of music except country music...no I like country music I hate bluegrass music
My parents were married for 15 years before they even thought of having kids together but for some reason I have three brothers and two sisters who are all older than me
My grandmother is my #1 bestfriend
And I am way more quiet and humble than the partying and working seems to show!!!!

Labels: 31 now, me

posted by cherry's kid @ 1:01 AM 3 Comments