Am I Sprung?
T-Pain - I'm Sprung
Uploaded by Fifty-Dirhams
Yes how did I get here? That's the question I am asking myself today!!! I mean really how could 30 have me like this? This is how I knew I was sprung today. I had to make a major business decision since that fight at the club on Sunday. I had to basically decide if I wanted to drop one of my partners because the club owner no longer wanted to work with him but wanted to continue to work with the rest of the team.
Well I was confronted with this situation and I did the normal thing. I thought about the possibility of continuing on without him, how would we manage, and etc. Once I was able to conceptualize everything I rode out with the decision but then I felt some loyalty to my boy so I paused and asked the opinions of a close few. But guess who ended up in that close knit group? 30! Yep that's what I said...I consult 30 on what I should do. He basically gave me the same opinion as everyone else...yes dude is my boy but business is business and I owe only loyalty to my money!
But really? I'm consulting 30 now on my money issues. But he was so supportive to me. He was there for me and I think that's when I started to like him even more!!! Still no butterflies or stomach problems when it comes to hearing from him, just normalcy but still in all, I know that he's there for me...
By the way, did I mention that 30 has a record? Like shot someone when he was 20 and use to hustle heavy but got out before he was ever got caught with any charges. That's when I knew for sure that there is something about me that screams...All Dope Boys Please Holla!!!! I knew it then!!! I must have some secret scent that only appeals to dope boys that they come from miles away to holla. Long story short, if you want a dope boy, come hang out with me for a weekend, I'll introduce you to at least 5!
Ps. I still don't want kids but I caught myself in class today writing out the names of 30 and mine potential children...damn now I'm scribbling 30's name in my notebook in grad school when I should be learning about Developmental Delays!!!! Damn, Damn, Damn!!!!
Labels: 30, i'm sprung, normalcy, Philly
Escape to Philly .... Again!
This weekend I went to Philly and I had another great time!!! It started out a little confusing at first. 30 and I were texting back and forth all week with the innuendos of can't wait to see you and how nice the last weekend was. He said Friday that he wanted to come up to stay in Jersey. I declined his self invitation. I definitely did not want him on my turf. It's not like I'm dealing with anyone else...well I'm open to dealing with anyone else but it's just that I like my space. It's nice to know that I can deal with him when I want to and when I don't. And it's not like I don't want to see him every day....wait I think that is it...I don't want to see him everyday. I don't get that feeling down in the bottom of my stomach where I get butterflies and queasiness in regards to seeing him or even talking to him. It's kind of this normalcy that scares the shit out of me. Why am I so comfortable with him?
I'm not sure if you guys know or not but I'm afraid of commitment. The few times I have been in relationships, serious ones, I was always hurt in the end. I felt like I gave too much. Not saying I want to be in a relationship with 30 cause really we're just trying to see where this is all going...actually I'm just trying to see where this is all going...he for some reason I think knows where it's going. Either way, we went on another group date...
*side bar* I'll post about that later because do I really have a stamp on my head that says every date I go on for 2008 needs to be a group date? I haven't been on a single 1-to-1 date since 2007. *side bar over* Okay, so we're out to lunch with his friend and female friend of his friend. We're all talking and they are basically like, when are you getting married...It felt so awkward. They laughed about how he was going to be the 60 year old in the club. Okay, so he'll be 31 this year...I just turned 25 in January, and yes although I graduated high school and college early and if you ever had a substantial conversation with me you would pit me as 28...but the fact of the matter is I'm 25!!!
Moving along, last weekend at lunch...
*side bar* why do all of these crazy comments come at lunch on Sundays? What is the Lord trying to say? *side bar over* his sister says aw a baby is staring at you [to me] that means you're going to have kids soon. I said no I don't think so...but in my mind I'm like please I avoid children like the plague!!!! Child are like cancer!!! I'm good...then she turns to him and says when are you going to have children I need nieces and nephews...he starts to laugh.. All of these comments he laughs off! What the hell? Why are you laughing who are you in love it? It can't be me! I might have turned you out or something but damn come on now...sexual satisfaction does not equate love! I mean we just got over that awkward first beginning shit you know. Now we're just having PDA. Which by the way I do not condone public displays of affection, don't hold my hand, don't kiss me, matter of fact can you walk at least a 1/2 foot to the left or right cause you're invading my personal space if you don't. But for some reason it feels so natural with him. We were in the club [Fusion] Friday night and he put his arm around me [big no-no but I didn't stop him didn't feel too bad] then he kissed me on my cheek...IN THE CLUB!!!! And what did I do, blush!!! Very shocked at myself...normally I would immediately back up ask what the f*ck was wrong with him and probably go to the bathroom and wash my face! Okay that's a little extreme but it's me!!! Wait I think I just worked something out in my head...why am I worried about them asking him that? No one said he had to marry me? No one said he wanted kids with me? Look at me jumping ahead in my own head! Maybe I do like this guy? I don't know! I'm so confused...where is the butterflies, the sinking stomach, the .... why is this feeling just so normal...is it supposed to feel normal? I've always questioned have I ever been in love before and if I haven't how will I know what it is when it comes. See dealing with any guy I've always had the butterflies, sinking feelings, and giddiness...with him...I have normalcy. It doesn't feel routine but it feels just like a regular damn day in the neighborhood...Where is Mr. Rogers when you need him to explain something to you with the damn chu-chu train?!?!?
Labels: 30, normalcy, pda, Philly, stomach pains
30 Year Old Adventures
I'm was sitting here stalking all my friends in my head...yes the other Bloggers that I call friends in my head...Like I think we would get along in person if I actually knew them. Anyway, I just realized that I did not post what happened last weekend. I'm a little different, my real life friends actually read my blog as well. Let's just say I'm pretty bad at returning phone calls and sometimes text messaging situations can just get too long so I just blog and friends call me and comment. I'd prefer some comments on here too but I digress.
Anyway, last weekend was one of my Auxiliary Sister's Birthday. She has a boyfriend who lives in Philly so she decided to spend the weekend with him. I called and told her that I would come down so that we could go to dinner, her, her boo, 30, and I. She said cool but she wasn't sure what her dude was planning for her. I spoke with him and he told me the plans so it looked like I would just be spending the weekend with 30. After internship on Saturday, I got my hair done, packed up some quick items and drove down to Philly. I got there about 8pm. When I got there he lived in a nondescript neighborhood in an apartment building which was pretty nice with door service. It wasn't Center City like he described it but it was 5 minutes outside of Center City so I can't hate cause he wanted to call it that. I was so nervous...I just kept thinking, what if he's not feeling me!!! What if I'm fat!!! What if.... He met me at the door and walked me upstairs. We get to his apartment and it was immaculate!!!
Some of my girls knew that was going so the first thing I did was texted them..."either he lives with a female and she's out of town or he had an interior decorator"...my one friend wrote back or he's bisexual! I almost laughed out loud. There was a dude sitting on the couch that I didn't recognize. I got introduced to him, he was his barber. He put a movie on his 42" flat screen television, took my bag to his bedroom then got his hair cut in the kitchen. That's when I realized he was full of himself. The barber cut his hair then left. 30 said, I don't wait in barbershops so my barber comes to my house and cuts my hairs. I thought negative 1....you're not Diddy even though you look like an exact replica of him, you're not too good to sit in the barbershop. Then he sat down and asked what my friends had planned. They had texted during his hair cut that they decided to do a low key night inside the house. So I told him and he said that he had a nice Caribbean spot that he wanted to go to with me. We leave and go to dinner. He stated that he wanted to spot at some shops on South Street. We did and every store we went in he knew the person. On top of that every time we left a store he had to tell me who the person was, what they owned, and how they hooked him up. Negative 2....why are you name dropping, I don't care who you know...I'm trying to get to know you.
We went to dinner but as we were walking down the street his sister calls out from a car, 30! He tells his sister and her date to meet us at the spot. He then proceeds to tell me their relationship history. That was when I was like, dude is really nice, he's sweet, and stuff but what the hell!!!! And it hit me, he's insecure and clearly my lack of speaking and nonchalantness is killing him and he doesn't know what to do with the space of silence that is between us. It's not that I wasn't feeling him because I am...it's just that I'm quiet at first to get to know you. Negative 3....he felt the need to fill the silence with words.
Dinner was nice and I went with his selection of food choices but I hated my dinner. He was understanding and stated that it didn't' look like I liked it so he was sorry for suggesting it. I said it was cool, it was nice to see his style that's all, that's why I tried it. His sister was a little standoffish. That night was great. Of course you know it went down!!! And that I have no negatives or complaints. The next morning was even better!!!! Then he called his sister....
I can't stand group dates. The next day we went out shopping and to lunch with his sister. She was better and we actually held conversations and were making jokes with each other. I enjoyed it. We lost her for a moment and took a walk by ourselves through the park. It was beautiful! That's when I really started to like him. He stopped name dropping, he stopped showing off, and then everything was fine. Oh did I mention in the morning but he took 3.5 hours compared to my 1.5 hours to get dressed. Lunch was great and long story short...it was a nice weekend with it's ups and downs. He's on his way up here now...can't wait to see what happens...I'll post later
Labels: 30, dates, distance, group dates, Philly
