Diary of a Confused Black Woman

The title so does not really represent what I'm about to write about but it also so does. Let me give some background first before I go into details. All I ever wanted when I was growing up was to be some high powered big shot professional woman living in New York City. I wanted to go to college in NYC. I wanted to live in NYC. And I wanted to date a man from NYC. Well I went to college where everyone had or thought they had an opportunity to be given 40 acres and a mule to survive after the Civil War. I went to college DOWN SOUTH. I went to school in Florida. I went to the whitest of white schools where the black kids were still protesting for their civil rights. All of that has calmed down now and I say that because they have changed the criteria of acceptance so they are no longer accepting people like me who barely passed the SAT from a low income area with low test/gpa scores. So there isn't much to fight about because every one is basically "equal". Yeah right there is always something to fight for there. I digress. As I move on, I say that once I graduated all I wanted to do was to live in the South. To be exact ATL. My parents gave me 3 months of a full ride in my 2 bedroom/2 bathroom townhouse after I graduated undergrad. All I had to do was get myself a new place, a job, and move there. What did I do? I partied for f*cking 3 months...My parents came down, packed my ass up and back to Jersey we moved. My original plan was to save up a enough money and move back. But then I started grad school, saving money wasn't an option, and I started to get roots here.

This is where I'm going....when I was with my ex...the one I changed for....well I always told him I wanted to go back Down South and you know what he told me...well since we're together then you would have to break up with me because I don't want to go. We were talking about marriage. F*ck it, we were living together!!!! He told me that he would not relocate for me because he didn't want to start a new job all over that he had already built his life here and if I wasn't happy I needed to leave. Shit, well I'm glad I did! That was a constant argument of ours. Me wanting to pursue my dreams and him telling me to go on my way to do them alone because my dreams didn't involve him anyway so why should he go with me.

The other night we spoke, he and I. He asked if I saw the lunar eclipse. I told him no. He said that he was in Georgia visiting family and a friend. He had no friends in Georgia but he had family. I immediately knew that it was another woman. I wasn't mad because of that. I was mad that here he was after for 2 1/2 years he told me that dreams of living Down South were too far of a stretch and that I should do them on my own. He was now involved with another woman who just so happened to live in GA. I tell you, life's a b*tch. I'm not mad at him though. I feel sorry for her...I hope she knows what she is getting herself into. In the end, I left him. I'm still here in Jersey...not sure if I want to leave yet. Like I said I made some great connections. But I will never let my dreams be stifled again!