Diary of a Confused Black Woman

It's Been A While

Yes it has been a while...and things have changed... I know that I was tyring to get myself together but really things just fell apart. So now I need help. Now I have to get things back together.

For the first time in my life I accepted change and responsibility! I cohabited with someone and .... and ... we broke up. We broke up because of me and because of him. I could accept change and he couldn't... When you cohabitate you must do one thing... be unselfish. Change. If he doesn't like your hair change, your food change, your weight change, your job change, your lifestyle change, your car change, change, change, change, change.

Change until you almost feel like there is nothing left of you. Until you're timid. Yes me of all people timid. Shit...read the back logs! I'm in no way timid but I am now. Change until you can't remember what your first name is. Change until you realize that you are no longer you!

And that's what I did...I changed and changed and changed and changed ... then one day this haze came over me and I realized I was the only person who changed! A relationship can't grow if only one person is growing and changing. So ... so ... I left. I left to find myself to find me to be happy and now... I'm lonely but I'm myself.

So I say to ... if you're the only person growing and changing then you don't need to grow and change you need to take a good look at the relationship. Talk about the changing and the growing and if there is no reciprocation... then leave!

posted by cherry's kid @ 3:31 PM