Diary of a Confused Black Woman

Understanding Sex....

So I decided to start this blog because sometimes I feel like my thoughts will just drive me crazy so in order to get them out let me! I don't understand sex, never have never will. Here is where it gets confusing, so you break up with someone and then they come back into your life, after they come back into your life they want to have sex again! And I mean immediately as if you taking me on that make-up date is suppose to grant you the right to sex with me? That happened this Friday and I fell victim to it but I my thoughts have brought me to this confusing situation only because on Saturday night the plot thickens. Confusing right? I know! What's even more confusing is when you are really feeling someone and they want to have sex with you but you're just not ready, so this is what had happened. I had as chance to hang out with a guy I have always adored. He was my special friend in college, I felt like I had some type of special connection with him, sometimes things would happen and he would just look at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking. We would sit in his dorm room and talk about the future (rarely about the past) and just map things out about how we wanted our lives to run and he was intelligent. Still is, and that's one of the most sexiest things about him, he's so intelligent. And the man's morals are crazy, what is the most sexiest thing about him is that his will power to make the things he wants in life come true is so strong, he is driven! From that I wanted to be his girlfriend the bad part was that he was just getting out of a relationship and so I respected that I did tell him my feelings but I respected it. After a while, I got tired of just being around for him (very selfish of me I know) but at the time I was really only 19 going on 20....Long story short he's in the Tri-state area now and I have the chance, I do but I'm afraid to take it. Not because I'm afraid of the situation but I'm afraid that I will fall in love and he won't be there whole-heartedly and once again I will make a selfish move to stop speaking to him to make him realize that he needs me, it will back fire and I'll be thinking of the things I messed up. Is that stupid? It sounds stupid as hell now that I have written it out. The most intraspective part of it all is that I value his friendship way more than anything else and I really think I don't want to f*ck that up! But the devil in me reminds me that the sex is great!!! smile! Understanding sex is a b*tch!

posted by cherry's kid @ 7:40 PM